My plane landed in Kathmandu on Tuesday and spent that day and the next with Rimu. On Thursday, I went out for coffee with Anisha, who came to get me on a motorbike; they call them scooters here. We chatted about nothing in particular, although one topic that held my attention and interest was that of dating and marriage. In Nepal, “love marriages” are becoming more common, but arranged marriages are still the norm. Anisha is part of the aristocratic caste in Nepal, and she fully expects that her parents will choose her husband, sometime in the future. She has never had a boyfriend and she explained that while she has friends who are boys, she doesn’t “hang out” with them because of the impropriety it would imply.
For those who don’t remember or didn’t read the post where I told the story, while on my Everest Base Camp trek back in April/May I met a man who turned out to be a Colonel in the Nepali Army. He gave us (my trekking partner, Jan, and I) his card and told us we could contact him when we were back in Kathmandu. We did this, but he was out of town. Nevertheless, his wife and daughters were wonderfully hospitable to us, inviting us over for tea and taking us to an orphanage where we volunteered. Anyway, Anisha is one of the daughters, a beautiful nineteen-year old college student. She’s friendly and intelligent and polite and has been really sweet, keeping me steady as I re-organize my Nepal plans.
On Thursday evening I met with Rimu again, but he decided that he didn’t want to see me any more since I had told him I didn’t have the same feelings for him as before. On Friday, Anisha took me shopping and I bought a modern-style sulwar, a beautifully embroidered, dark green and gold and black tunic that is very long with gauzy black sleeves. It came also with black pants and a lovely shawl-scarf. We also went out and found some bangles to match.
I had the chance to wear my new outfit tonight. Anisha invited me to a Teej party. Teej is a Hindu holiday where women celebrate. At it’s root, it’s really about married women praying for the husbands, but traditions have evolved to turn into women-only gatherings and parties. Teej itself isn’t for another two weeks, but there are parties every day these days. Anyway, both Anisha and her mother were at this party and I dressed up. Most of the women there, being married, wore red as is traditional. Everything from saris to sulwars, modern and traditional, were in evidence, beautiful and shining and elegant. At the party there were light snacks, drinks, music and a buffet dinner. My favorite part was the dancing, where unself-consciously women danced and laughed and grooved to tunes Nepali, American and Latin! At the end of the evening, the Colonel picked us up and gave me a lift home. He’s retired now, but looking forward to finding work as a disaster management expert.
From arrival until now, I’ve run a wide range of emotions: anticipation, excitement, surprise, sadness, disappointment, fear, and finally a resurgence of fascination with Nepal. I’m terribly disappointed that things with Rimu didn’t work out, but it was my choice to end the relationship and I feel some solace in the fact that I was honest enough with myself and him to not drag things out. In any case, now I’m ready to experience more of Nepal, because although it was again a shock on first arrival, I find myself warming right back up to the culture, the people, even the dirt and pollution of Thamel.
My plans? Well, I don’t really have any. Tomorrow I’m going to check the availability at Kopan Monastery and, if possible, stay there until Friday. It’ll be a peaceful, quiet time for me to force myself to think and feel and straighten myself out. Until now I’ve been reading, e-mailing, writing, watching tv, and walking around, not giving myself much of a contemplative moment. After a stint at the monastery, I’d like to visit Pokhara and Ghorka, other Nepali cities, and visit more with Anisha and her family. And maybe take a cooking class! I LOVE Nepali (and Tibetan, and Bhutanese) food!
--Z
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