Desert Thoughts

Note: Two new albums up today, plus my final pictures from the dig. “Israel: Cooking in Nazareth” and “Israel: Mitzpe Ramon” are ready for you to view! For now I don’t have a blog to go with the cooking class in Nazareth, but I’m working on it!

Day-to-Day: 27 July – 4 August 2011

 

There’s no electricity here at the Silent Arrow, a hostel just outside of the town of Mitzpe Ramon. There are a few dome tents and a a wide-open long covered “dorm” area, a bathroom area with nice facilities, and a social tent long-hall with a small kitchen. I’m really excited to watch as night falls and stars appear, because it should be the best skygazing I’ve had yet in Israel. I took buses down today from Jerusalem, knowing only that Mitzpe Ramon is a natural crater (ie not created by a meteor or anything), the largest in Israel (there are five). I’m not sure exactly what drew me here except that it sounded fairly interesting and I wanted to have my time in the desert, the Negev which everyone says is so enchanting.

Upon arrival, I dutifully looked at maps and possible activities, but I’ve settled on just walking into town – about a fifteen minute walk – and then heading to the crater proper. Tonight I’ll go before it gets dark and just go to a few viewpoints from the rim. Tomorrow morning, I’ll get up early and go for an hour-long hike down in the crater itself, before heading up to Tel Aviv to visit a friend there.

For now, I type, but soon my netbook battery will die out and I will have to wait to post this until I have electricity and a wi-fi connection. But I want to write, because my brain has decided to explode. You, my readers, get to sort through the goopy pieces. Lucky, lucky you.

The thought has occurred to me to go home in September. Not because I’m finished traveling, but general events seem to point me to that timeframe. First, my brother got married, and there’s a family celebration near the end of September. Second, I will be unable to refill my prescriptions soon (they’re just one-year allotments). Third, I’m still feeling like it may just be time to wrap this trip up.

The thing is, the thought of going home – that is, really actually thinking about it in specifics, as opposed to the ‘oh I’ll have to go home sometime’ – is freaking me out. I haven’t changed a bit, really, from the day I set out on this adventure! While I may have a more resolved interest in volunteering abroad, and there may end up being a strong draw to return to Nepal, I have otherwise not resolved any of my internal conundrums of What To Do With Myself.

And there are all sorts of possibilities for traveling once I return. Maybe a road trip, or train/bus trip, up the east coast, to visit family and both old and new friends? Go see family in the various corners of the country? Volunteer in Nepal to teach English and visit Ngima, assuming we decide to stay serious? Go to Croatia with my uncle when he undertakes kayaking the coast there? All of these feel good to me, but what about a real life? If I go home in September, what should I do after a month (or two) of decompressing and getting re-acclimated to the US and being home? I could write, or maybe check out being a substitute teacher to try my hand at being in the classroom. I could fundraise for Sandya, the girl I’m sponsoring in Nepal. I could give talks about my travels.

And if I do want to somehow continue traveling (via working or volunteering, going with family on trips), does that mean not pursuing A Real Job? My savings are still there, if a bit depleted; I have a chunk put away for a car; a chunk for six months of living expenses when I get home; and some will be left over from this trip’s chunk.

I have this seashell tied around my neck. It used to be on a ratty string, which was once white but through showers and sweat had turned a dingy gray. A crafty girl named Leah at the dig made me a twisted hemp necklace, which I adore and which now adorns my neck in a semi-permanent way (no latch, just tied on). But the seashell itself I kept as a reminder to live in the now. I got it, if you recall, back in New Zealand, the time that I, along with two couchsurfers, managed to get a ride and overnight stay on a sailboat. It was a reminder to let life take me, sometimes, as opposed to trying to take my life somewhere.

When I think of going home, I forget about my seashell and the lesson of it. I can only hope that I can hold on to the reminder that not knowing can be not just ok, it can be the way to let my future happen as opposed to making it happen.

--Z