Sunday, January 8, 2012

New York, New York

 

On Dec 31st, I arrived in New York City via Greyhound bus, an uneventful trip from Washington, DC, if long. Flagging down a taxi and making my way to my mom’s friend Judith’s apartment made me feel like I was IMG_8687abroad in the world again! After a few false starts, where stereotypically rushed New Yorkers stereotypically stole the cab I’d hailed, I managed to nab one who whisked me to the upper West side. With the help of a friendly doorman, I settled into the place and checked out my sleeping spot: a loft accessible via a tiny ladder set into the wall of the bathroom!

That night was to set the pattern for the rest of my nights for a week: I attended an Occupy Wall Street meeting (that night was Spokes Council, some other nights were general assemblies) at 7pm, went out with some of the folks afterwards, and didn’t get to bed until about 4am. For that whole week, Thursday to Thursday, I slept in fantastically late, went to various working group meetings in the late afternoon, attended an evening meeting, and got home pretty late. My mental hours got totally screwed up!

And here’s what I found: OWS up here in NYC isn’t all that I’d hoped. There are so many group issues going on, and sadly, a lot of clique-ish-ness, that most nights I would come home frustrated and unhappy! I was meeting some really interesting people, but when all together in a group it was like any other organization, with the haves and have-nots, the leaders trying not to be leaders and the non-leaders trying to garner attention. There are so many people who want to do so much good, but in my opinion, some are unable to see past themselves.

As the week went on I managed to express some of my feelings and found that I was not alone, although definitely in a minority. There have been many great conversations, some IMG_8731in group settings and some one-on-ones as well. This weekend, I decided to take time off, so Saturday and Sunday I spent doing New York-y things: walking across the Brooklyn Bridge, eating out at some interesting places, taking a food-tour of the lower east side, and traversing the subway system. It’s been a blast, not least because I’ve gotten to see my first couchsurfer, whom I hosted two years ago, and she’s really been great at showing me around and posing me for pictures!

My mind still whirls with possibilities and I’ve not been able to recapture my “moments of clarity” from DC. Today in particular was a tough day, feeling down about being single (well, more about feeling like I’ll always be single) and panicking about what to do next. Heck, what to do tomorrow, or next week, not to mention any further out than that.

On the other hand, I do feel like maybe this is all part of the “coming down” period, both from having been a full-time employed military member and from traveling. It occurred to me the other day that I never had a "”coming down” period from my military service, not really, since I jumped right into moving and leaving for my big trip. And eight years active duty, and just being gainfully employed and well-paid, is nothing to just leave from and not consider, contemplate and deflate from.

Anyway, I’m trying to give myself the space to do all these things: consider my adventures and choices, contemplate them and deflate from the finishing of them. But as always, my mind is always racing in the background: what’s next?

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