Saturday, August 27, 2011

Random Videos

Note: I’ve posted the new Nepal item, check it out! Smile 

 

So, this isn’t really a “blog update” per say. I just realized that I have a few videos I’ve taken and never posted! So, here are three, from three different countries. Enjoy!

First up, a Sinai chameleon eating lunch in Israel:

Next, a whirling Dervish in Istanbul, Turkey (sorry it’s sideways, can’t seem to rotate it!):

And finally, chanting monks from Kopan Monastery in Kathmandu, Nepal:

--Z

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Sniffles & Gorgeous Weather

Note: There are lots of new posts (six to be exact), so make sure you read them all!

Day Four at Kopan Monastery

The minute I woke up I groaned: my nose was running, my throat was scratchy and my skin felt too hot. Breakfast didn’t refresh me much, so before showering and going back to sleep, I took a fizzy Airborne tablet, given to me by Audrey, a middle-school teacher and teacher trainer from Portland, Oregon. We met last night, when she arrived in time for dinner and sat with me. We get along quite well, chatting about everything from travel to teaching to everything inbetween. She’s volunteering for two weeks with an NGO to help train Nepali teachers. Before that, she’s taken the time to relax at the monastery, excited because she is Buddhist and her teacher knows Kopan well. Anyway, she offered, and I accepted, one of the cold-prevention tablets. I slept for a couple more hours, almost missing lunch.

After lunch I bummed around, feeling better but not great. My usual routine continued: reading, walking, napping, using the internet café, looking out at the view. The morning IMG_7502was cloudy, but the day really cleared up and soon the crisp air and sunshine were cheering me up considerably. I sunned for a bit, figuring a bit of Vitamin D couldn’t hurt, and ended up watching the sunset with Audrey from the grassy hill that is the highest point at the monastery. The sky was wonderful, with a ceiling of clouds making my depth perception go wonky over the mountains, and the rest of the sky blue and clear with birds wheeling around. As the sun got lower and went behind a band of clouds, it was as if we were in a theater and the lights had dimmed slightly. The entire landscape seemed to have changed with the lighting. Beautiful!

At tea, before dinner, I met a girl from Marseilles, France. She gave me some great recommendations on places to stay in IMG_7498Kathmandu, Pokhara and Chitwan. Tomorrow my plan is to check out and head to Thamel with Audrey, who already has a place to stay through the NGO. We plan to go shopping where Anisha took me, which should be fun because we’re looking for the same kind of things. I will either stay at the same place as Audrey, if it seems nice and the price is right, or I’ll go check out the French-woman’s recommendation. I figure I’ll leave for Pokhara on Sunday and spend some time there and at the coffee farm the Swedish couple recommended.

Now, at the end of the day, my cold seems to be gone and I’m feeling pretty good. I’m excited to continue my exploration of Nepal and see the beautiful areas I’ve heard so much about!

--Z

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Day of Ceremonies

 

Day Three at Kopan Monastery

Today was a lot like yesterday, except not as wet. Also, my “up” mood didn’t really hold out, although that’s not to say that I was in a bad mood. It just seemed like my brain was a bit muddled with too many thoughts, about all sorts of things. Ah, well…

There were three ceremonies today. The first, at 5:30am, I did not attend. Too early! The second, though, I did attend in part. It was described to me in brief summary as akin to a graduation ceremony, where six students would debate various topics and earn their next level IMG_7461(geshe). It was all in another language (Nepali or Tibetan, I think) and I was just one of four Westerners sitting against the back wall, watching. I have to admit that I have NO idea what was happening, at any time! I think I saw what was part of a debate, although it wasn’t how I’d pictured it. It was more one monk, half-chanting and half-ranting, making ritualized hand claps that thundered through the hall now and then. An hour and a half in, I had to duck out… my focus was scattered and I needed a bathroom (it started just after breakfast)!

The third ceremony was another puja, after dinner. I stayed for the entire three and a half hours and again, I can tell you almost nothing about what I saw, since I have no idea what was going on. There was lots and lots of chanting, some discordant music bursts now and IMG_7493again, and about thirty minutes where tea and various edible goodies like Snickers and ChocoPies were doled out to every monk and every Westerner in the hall (maybe 200 people!). At the end, the eldest monk, perhaps the lama who runs the monastery, spoke. It was in English but because of the combined effects of his accent, having suffered a severe stroke recently, and a shoddy sound system, I could only make out some of the basics: even if you don’t think you believe in Buddhism, you should become knowledgeable about it so that you can know about life and death. I think he told a story about being in a hospital and talking to people who didn’t know anything about these things, in any sense, and it made him very sad.

All day I planned to leave tomorrow, but now I’m thinking I’ll stay one more day. No real reason. I didn’t pack, and a day here versus a day in Thamel sounds good anyhow.

--Z

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Up

 

Day Two at Kopan Monastery

Today I let myself sleep in until just before breakfast. I slept quite well last night, which may in part account for how up I felt all day. In any case, I went to breakfast somewhat groggy, as I usually feel when I’m just waking up, and disliking the heavy, overcast and wet feeling that greeted me. Afterwards, I walked around a bit, eventually ending up back IMG_7454at my room, where I stretched and read a book for a little bit. Eventually, I showered. The hot water is solar-heated, making morning a bad time for a hot shower. I got about a minute of hot, before the water cooled to a just-bearable temperature. It woke me up, anyway!

At ten, I went to the main meditation hall. There was no one else there, not even tourists, for a full hour. Then, a couple led by a Nepali man came in, snapping pictures and talking in what seemed to me rude, loud voices. They saw that I was trying to meditate but that didn’t seem to bother their conversation (or volume) in the least. I stuck it out, though, because the hour and a half of quiet in the morning is turning out to be quite nice. I attempted meditation for about half an hour and then just let my mind work. I had some good, serious thinks about a few things that were on my mind, and it felt really good.

IMG_7455Lunch was again tasty and filling. After, I went to the internet café. It was drizzling rain, so I spent an hour chatting with friends and e-mailing. More stretching and reading followed, and chatting with the Swedish couple. After dinner, as I was helping do the dishes, I met Sarah, a forty year old Australian woman who has recently completed yoga instructor certification. We got to talking and I found that she is a really positive, intense lady. I hope we get a chance to chat more tomorrow, although she’s taking a course so she may not be free until the evening.

All day I felt kind of happy, light, even a little ebullient. It was a nice feeling and I really hope it continues!

--Z

Monday, August 22, 2011

Busy Day of Being Quiet

 

Day 1: Full Day of Quiet

IMG_7449My alarm went off at 6am and I snoozed for a bit, managing to pull myself out of bed ten minutes later. It was cool out as I meandered through the grounds. It had rained in the night and things were still damp, the sky still gray and foreboding in the morning light. It would stay that way all day. I decided to stretch in a gazebo with a view over terraced lands with a backdrop of a mountain chain.

Breakfast was a delicious rice-and-milk soup, IMG_7452along with white pita bread and the usual choices of butter, peanut butter and jam. Tea, masala or black or green, is available at every meal as well. After breakfast, I walked for a bit, then did some writing in my diary. At ten, I went to the main “gompa” or meditation hall, because there is supposedly daily hour and a half meditation sessions. When no one but three Western girls showed up, I went to ask at the reception desk. It turns out the teacher who does the meditation classes left today and there won’t be guided meditations for at least a few days. It really bummed me out, but I stayed anyway and attempted to meditate in the huge, quiet hall with a huge golden Buddha at the back and whirls of colors and paintings and flags and lights all around. I think I may have napped for a short time, but in any case, I made it through an hour and a half of quiet sitting.

Lunch consisted of dal baht, white rice, a curried vegetable mixture and a cooked onion mixture, with the pita and toppings selection and tea. Delicious! And very filling. The rest of the day was filled with reading and walking, pondering and writing, half an hour of internet and chatting with the Swedish couple.

No deep insights, perhaps, but it was a calm and restful day. I may not stay as long as expected, with no guided class of any kind to attend, but even two or three days will recharge my batteries… physically and emotionally, hopefully.

--Z

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Sunday, August 21, 2011

Self-Imposed Idleness at Kopan Monastery

Note: I’ll begin a new album, “Nepal: Another 25 Days,” as soon as I can!

Day 0: Arrival at Kopan Monastery

For the third day in a row, I let myself sleep in after my alarm went off. And I followed my usual routine: wake up, dress, wander out for breakfast and internet; return, wash up, read my book. Today, though, the routine broke here. I packed up all my things and paid my hotel bill (about $20 per night, if you include the tip I left), then caught a taxi up to Kopan Monastery, about a twenty minute ride to the outskirts of Kathmandu, and up a steep hill. Everywhere we saw celebrations, because today is Krishna Astami, the Hindu celebration of Krishna’s birthday.

IMG_7432I arrived, checked in and after dropping off my things, just wandered around the grounds. There are meditation halls and a library, several different areas for guests to stay (from shared rooms to singles and doubles), a fountain, a hilltop to view the surrounding valley, Buddha statues and gumpas, a dining hall, and a store which is also a small café and computer area. Of course, there’s a school on the grounds, too. There are over three hundred monks of various ages who live and learn and pray here. Nearby is a nunnery with over three hundred women, too.

So what will I do here? I am forcing myself to relax and just be. There is a meditation class every morning, so I plan to attend that, but otherwise my time is my own. There are three simple meals and a tea time at the dining hall. Dinner tonight was a vegetable soup and pita bread, with peanut butter or marmalade or butter to choose from. Simple, but delicious and filling. I hope all IMG_7445the meals are so nice! I’ve written out a general schedule for myself to stick to for the next four or five days, which includes stretching three times a day. My general hope for my time here is to breathe a little, relax, think about some of the things that I haven’t really let myself fully consider and feel the things I definitely have pushed aside. I have two books to read and there are plenty of places to walk to and around here.

I’ve already met a nice Swedish couple, young travelers who have been WWOOFing in India and Nepal for the last eight months. There are several Westerners here, doing individual courses of study or, like me, taking the opportunity to just be and to relax.

Mostly, I hope to center myself a little bit.

--Z

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Killing Time in Kathmandu

 

My plane landed in Kathmandu on Tuesday and spent that day and the next with Rimu. On Thursday, I went out for coffee with Anisha, who came to get me on a motorbike; they call them scooters here. We chatted about nothing in particular, although one topic that held my attention and interest was that of dating and marriage. In Nepal, “love marriages” are becoming more common, but arranged marriages are still the norm. Anisha is part of the aristocratic caste in Nepal, and she fully expects that her parents will choose her husband, sometime in the future. She has never had a boyfriend and she explained that while she has friends who are boys, she doesn’t “hang out” with them because of the impropriety it would imply.

For those who don’t remember or didn’t read the post where I told the story, while on my Everest Base Camp trek back in April/May I met a man who turned out to be a Colonel in the Nepali Army. He gave us (my trekking partner, Jan, and I) his card and told us we could contact him when we were back in Kathmandu. We did this, but he was out of town. Nevertheless, his wife and daughters were wonderfully hospitable to us, inviting us over for tea and taking us to an orphanage where we volunteered. Anyway, Anisha is one of the daughters, a beautiful nineteen-year old college student. She’s friendly and intelligent and polite and has been really sweet, keeping me steady as I re-organize my Nepal plans.

On Thursday evening I met with Rimu again, but he decided that he didn’t want to see me any more since I had told him I didn’t have the same feelings for him as before. On Friday, Anisha took me shopping and I bought a modern-style sulwar, a beautifully embroidered, dark green and gold and black tunic that is very long with gauzy black sleeves. It came also with black pants and a lovely shawl-scarf. We also went out and found some bangles to match.

I had the chance to wear my new outfit tonight. Anisha invited me to a Teej party. Teej is a Hindu holiday where women celebrate. At it’s root, it’s really about married women praying for the husbands, but traditions have evolved to turn into women-only gatherings and parties. Teej itself isn’t for another two weeks, but there are parties every day these days. Anyway, both Anisha and her mother were at this party and I dressed up. Most of the women there, being married, wore red as is traditional. Everything from saris to sulwars, modern and traditional, were in evidence, beautiful and shining and elegant. At the party there were light snacks, drinks, music and a buffet dinner. My favorite part was the dancing, where unself-consciously women danced and laughed and grooved to tunes Nepali, American and Latin! At the end of the evening, the Colonel picked us up and gave me a lift home. He’s retired now, but looking forward to finding work as a disaster management expert.

From arrival until now, I’ve run a wide range of emotions: anticipation, excitement, surprise, sadness, disappointment, fear, and finally a resurgence of fascination with Nepal. I’m terribly disappointed that things with Rimu didn’t work out, but it was my choice to end the relationship and I feel some solace in the fact that I was honest enough with myself and him to not drag things out. In any case, now I’m ready to experience more of Nepal, because although it was again a shock on first arrival, I find myself warming right back up to the culture, the people, even the dirt and pollution of Thamel.

My plans? Well, I don’t really have any. Tomorrow I’m going to check the availability at Kopan Monastery and, if possible, stay there until Friday. It’ll be a peaceful, quiet time for me to force myself to think and feel and straighten myself out. Until now I’ve been reading, e-mailing, writing, watching tv, and walking around, not giving myself much of a contemplative moment. After a stint at the monastery, I’d like to visit Pokhara and Ghorka, other Nepali cities, and visit more with Anisha and her family. And maybe take a cooking class! I LOVE Nepali (and Tibetan, and Bhutanese) food!

--Z

Nepal Time

Note: A new picture album is up for Turkey: “Turkey: 96 Hours in Istanbul.” Take a look!

 

After four days in Istanbul, I took off and spent one evening in Dubai, on a bus tour that was fun but depressing as it showed the opulence of the area, and then I was off again to Kathmandu. I have nothing much to report: things didn’t work out with Rimu, and I’ve spent the last three days working through my sadness and planning what to do for my three weeks here. It’s been good to relax and be quiet, even in the bustling, honking, dirty madness of Thamel. I’m doing just fine and will be spending this afternoon at a women-only party, so that should be fun. I’ve done a little shopping and meandering through the lanes of Thamel. On Sunday or Monday, I plan to check in to a Buddhist monastery and do some intense quiet time with some meditation (we’ll see how that goes)!

That’s all for now… sorry for a short and un-exciting post, but perhaps next time will be more upbeat!

--Z

Monday, August 15, 2011

Turkish Delights, Israeli Reflections

Note: I will post Turkey pictures as soon as possible!

Day-to-Day: 4-15 August 2011

 

It’s a weird feeling, always feeling caught up in past, present and future things. I’m going home in about a month, so I’m searching online for tickets (where I’ve found, to my surprise and delight, that round-trip tickets are cheaper than one-ways); I’ve left Israel after three months, so that my impressions and my Hebrew are fresh in my mind when I wake up or try to speak to the locals; and I’m in Turkey, taking it all in!

In terms of Israel, I left on a very good note: having visited my three primary hosts in the country to say thank you and good-bye, it felt like I’d both been there forever and been IMG_7047there not nearly enough time. The things I would do if I went back: snorkel or scuba in the Red Sea, via Eilat and Egypt; spend way more time in the desert; visit many more parts of the Galilee; and try to learn more about, and perhaps visit, the settlements and restricted areas like Gaza. The things I’m holding on to, having just left: saying “excuse me” and “thank you” in Hebrew; looking wistfully for pita bread and hummus, tomatoes and cucumbers, at every meal; eating a hearty lunch and a small dinner; and missing the somewhat homogenous look of the locals. It was such a pleasure to meet and get to know my mom’s friends Deborah and Paula, and to find some new friends of my own. I’m very interested in returning to Israel and perhaps some of it’s neighbors, particularly Jordan and Egypt.

Turkey has struck me as both fantastic and not nearly as foreign-feeling as I expected. Of course, I’ve really only explored the European side. My couchsurfing hostess, Serap, has been friendly and welcoming, and while she isn’t able to spend time exploring with me, she’s been extremely helpful. It has struck me once again how fantastic it is to stay with a IMG_7134local, too, each time I wind my way downhill into her neighborhood – a ten minute walk from the nearest Metro. Thus far, “thank you” is the only Turkish I’ve picked up. The mosques are the most fascinating for me: the Blue Mosque is my favorite, although Aya Sofia was magnificent as well. The pure age of things around here is incredible! The Hippodrome and various landmarks, the bridges and towers and palaces and hamams that date back hundreds, if not thousands, of years, all combine to make me sigh in wonder sometimes. And yet, it’s all surrounded and steeped in European culture and infrastructure and feel! The population is not at all homogenous, is, in fact, so varied that I couldn’t tell you what a Turk “looks” like. I can tell you that the Turkish people are friendly and kind, the shopkeepers inviting but not push. It would be hard to get lost here, since everyone seems willing to help out a lost-looking tourist! The things I won’t get to on this first jaunt to Turkey that I hope to do on my return: a Bosphorous boat trip; Topkapi Palace; and a hope over to the Asian side to check things out. Otherwise, I have to decide on what to do with my eight full days when I return from Nepal. Right now, I’m leaning towards Troy and Epheseus and a day hiking part of the Lycian way; Cappadocia is also high on the list, but further away.

And thoughts of going home, as I search frantically for a decently priced ticket, are resolving themselves into a medley of emotions: not panic, as there was at first, but anticipation, excitement, a bit of apprehension, relief. I still can’t believe that a round trip ticket from Turky to Raleigh and back is cheaper than a one way ($950 vs $1100), but it continues to be true. I have a hundred ideas of what to do when I get home, besides the obvious three: celebrate my brother’s recent marriage, relax, and visit with the family.

Past, present, future, they’re all melting into one for me lately, and yet is it’s own sweet subject of thought, deliberation and wonder. Every day and every moment I keep thinking, “What next?”

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--Z

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Blast from the Past!

Note: The link to the album mentioned in this brief post is down with the “Australia” albums, as well as the link provided in the writing.

So, technology can be great and all, but sometimes it can be surprisingly infuriating, right? So back in March, I was in Australia, and at one point I did a dive at the Great Barrier Reef. It was during a full-day boat trip where they rented out underwater cameras. I ended up renting one with two girls, splitting the cost three ways. One girl took the CD with our photos and promised to send the other two of us the pictures. I never heard from her again and assumed that she’d forgotten or couldn’t figure out my e-mail, or something.

Well, as I was perusing my travel photo albums today, I realized there was a list of albums people shared with me on the right-hand side. Most of them I knew, but one was unfamiliar. It turns out that the girl remembered after all, and somehow I missed the notification that she’d shared the pictures! So, if you’d like to see some low-quality underwater digital pictures, click here: Australia: Great Barrier Reef.

People are good, see? I was so happy to see these, even four months later!

--Z

Monday, August 8, 2011

24 Hours in Safed/Tsfat/Zefat/Sfat

Note: I’ll soon post the link to a new album, “Israel: 24 Hours in Safed.” Also, I’ll wait until my next post to do a “Day-to-Day” write-up.

 

“Whaddaya lookin’ for?”

The Brooklyn accented voice was impatient and authoritative. I turned from scrutinizing the city map billboard in front of me, careful not to move too fast since my pack’s momentum would make me stumble. Sweat was beading on my face and I blinked in the sunlight. The man who’d spoken was already turning away, though he kept looking at me, as though he was in a hurry but felt committed since he’d asked.

“Dunno, just got here on the bus and trying to get my bearings.” He sighed.

“Ya Jewish?” I nodded and he took off. “Well, c’mon then.”

IMG_7058I grabbed my third bag, a paper bag of various goodies and odds and ends, and followed the man. Despite the heat he wore, as most religious men in Israel do, a black suit and a black hat. He wore perfectly round glasses that seemed the type for reading and his white beard covered most of the lower half of his face. His wiry form was soon ten paces ahead of me and I struggled to keep up. I panted out the answers to his questions – where ya from, why ya here, how long, etc – as I caught up to him, trying and failing to keep track of where we were going. Round a corner, down the slope of a hill, up some steps, across the street, then back across the street, round a corner.

It had been an easy morning so far, waking up at Paula’s house in Nahariya, eating breakfast and chatting with Paula before packing up and taking a bus to Akko, where I then caught another bus to Tzfat, which has multiple spellings on Israeli buses, street signs and pamphlets. The bus ride was especially nice, slowly climbing through the hills of the Galilee and round sharp turns as it wound it’s way to the famously religious city. When I’d gotten off the bus at the main bus station, I used my pidgen-Hebrew to ask where Jerusalem street was. The lady I asked blinked and said, “No English.” Apparently she didn’t understand my Anglicized Hebrew either…

Suddenly I was in front of a building, the door opened, I climbed some stairs and was in a lobby-like area of what seemed to be a community center. As I’d walked in the door I just glimpsed a signed: “The Ascent.” The religious man I’d followed headed off down a corridor. When I made to follow he shooed me off.

“No, no, not this way, over there, check in over there. And take some of the classes.” And he was gone. I wouldn’t see him again in my twenty-four hours in Sfat.

After meeting a kindly lady named Olivia, who gave me a printed schedule of events for the next few days after determining if I was Jewish, I checked in with the surly woman at the desk. The form she gave me to fill out had a “Yes/No” to circle as to whether I was Jewish. I tried to shake the hand of a man Olivia introduced me to, only to be reminded that religious Jewish men don’t shake hands with women, and learning that some Jewish women shook hands twice. I bustled up to my dormitory room, which had two bunks and was empty and clean and pleasant. Later, Deborah from Buenos Aires would join me. She was in Safed to take opera singing lessons.

IMG_7080As it turns out, The Ascent is a center for Kabbalistic study and some community members live and work there. Other than being asked more in a twenty-four hour period about my religious status than I have been in three months in Israel, I enjoyed my stay with them. That afternoon I went on an informal tour of the Old City, led by a bouncy, intense and knowledgeable girl from the community. In the evening, I participated in a “Painting from the Soul” workshop, which was surprisingly fun although I thought my picture was like a kindergarten spatter-paint next to the other five lady’s paintings. And I sat partway through an informal discussion of Kabbalistic theory before deciding to go read some good, easy fiction to let my brain rest.

Inbetween all that I still had time to wander around the Artist’s Quarter a bit. There I came across a small courtyard where I was smacked with the sudden sense of déjà vu. In fact, I’d really been there before. About fifteen years before, granted, but it was the same place my Jewish youth group had rested while touring through Zefat. I visited a familiar feeling synagogue during the tour where I had the same sense of familiarity. And I visited the Safed Candle shop, where I’d bought my grandmother a hand-crafted beeswax Havdallah candle for my grandmother, all those years ago.

This morning, I had breakfast at the hotel across the street, then set out to wander the Old City some more. I went to the Citadel, ruins of a Crusader setup at the top of the mountain around which Sfat is built, then followed signs to the Safed Cheese factory, which took me over an hour to find. I looked down on the cemetery where many famous rabbis have been buried and wandered through the Artist’s Quarter once more. After briefly freaking out about losing my passport (I found it), I packed up and set off after lunch to catch the bus to Jerusalem.

I liked Safed. It’s kooky and religious, beautiful and atmospheric. The sunset was gorgeous and walking the narrow lanes and clambering up and down steps was an experience unlike the others I’ve had in Israel. Next time, I’ll schedule myself for several days in this neat little city.

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--Z

Monday, August 1, 2011

Desert Thoughts

Note: Two new albums up today, plus my final pictures from the dig. “Israel: Cooking in Nazareth” and “Israel: Mitzpe Ramon” are ready for you to view! For now I don’t have a blog to go with the cooking class in Nazareth, but I’m working on it!

Day-to-Day: 27 July – 4 August 2011

 

There’s no electricity here at the Silent Arrow, a hostel just outside of the town of Mitzpe Ramon. There are a few dome tents and a a wide-open long covered “dorm” area, a IMG_6939bathroom area with nice facilities, and a social tent long-hall with a small kitchen. I’m really excited to watch as night falls and stars appear, because it should be the best skygazing I’ve had yet in Israel. I took buses down today from Jerusalem, knowing only that Mitzpe Ramon is a natural crater (ie not created by a meteor or anything), the largest in Israel (there are five). I’m not sure exactly what drew me here except that it sounded fairly interesting and I wanted to have my time in the desert, the Negev which everyone says is so enchanting.

Upon arrival, I dutifully looked at maps and possible activities, but I’ve settled on just walking into town – about a fifteen minute walk – and then heading to the crater proper. Tonight I’ll go before it gets dark and just go to a few viewpoints from the rim. Tomorrow morning, I’ll get up early and go for an hour-long hike down in the crater itself, before heading up to Tel Aviv to visit a friend there.

For now, I type, but soon my netbook battery will die out and I will have to wait to post this until I have electricity and a wi-fi connection. But I want to write, because my brain has decided to explode. You, my readers, get to sort through the goopy pieces. Lucky, lucky you.

The thought has occurred to me to go home in September. Not because I’m finished traveling, but general events seem to point me to that timeframe. First, my brother got married, and there’s a family celebration near the end of September. Second, I will be unable to refill my prescriptions soon (they’re just one-year allotments). Third, I’m still feeling like it may just be time to wrap this trip up.

The thing is, the thought of going home – that is, really actually thinking about it in specifics, as opposed to the ‘oh I’ll have to go home sometime’ – is freaking me out. I haven’t changed a bit, really, from the day I set out on this adventure! While I may have a more resolved interest in volunteering abroad, and there may end up being a strong draw to return to Nepal, I have otherwise not resolved any of my internal conundrums of What To Do With Myself.

And there are all sorts of possibilities for traveling once I return. Maybe a road trip, or train/bus trip, up the east coast, to visit family and both old and new friends? Go see family in the various corners of the country? Volunteer in Nepal to teach English and visit Ngima, assuming we decide to stay serious? Go to Croatia with my uncle when he undertakes kayaking the coast there? All of these feel good to me, but what about a real life? If I go home in September, what should I do after a month (or two) of decompressing and getting re-acclimated to the US and being home? I could write, or maybe check out being a substitute teacher to try my hand at being in the classroom. I could fundraise for Sandya, the girl I’m sponsoring in Nepal. I could give talks about my travels.

And if I do want to somehow continue traveling (via working or volunteering, going with family on trips), does that mean not pursuing A Real Job? My savings are still there, if a bit depleted; I have a chunk put away for a car; a chunk for six months of living expenses when I get home; and some will be left over from this trip’s chunk.

I have this seashell tied around my neck. It used to be on a ratty string, which was once white but through showers and sweat had turned a dingy gray. A crafty girl named Leah at the dig made me a twisted hemp necklace, which I adore and which now adorns my neck in a semi-permanent way (no latch, just tied on). But the seashell itself I kept as a reminder to live in the now. I got it, if you recall, back in New Zealand, the time that I, along with two couchsurfers, managed to get a ride and overnight stay on a sailboat. It was a reminder to let life take me, sometimes, as opposed to trying to take my life somewhere.

When I think of going home, I forget about my seashell and the lesson of it. I can only hope that I can hold on to the reminder that not knowing can be not just ok, it can be the way to let my future happen as opposed to making it happen.

--Z