Halfway Through a Hellish May

Two weeks ago, we switched instructors in my French training class. My class is the same three students, which helps with the transition as we all figure out how the new instructor teaches. However, along with the new instructor came a new pace of the French learning program.

I'm not completely sure that my assumptions about the program are accurate, but I can tell you what the situation feels like: there's a newly developed curriculum, with a book and a computer lab component to go with it. There are about ten folks going through the program in the same phase of training as me (phase 1) - I think the other two classes are more advanced, but still not on to Phase 2 yet. Phase 1 seems to correspond to the first sixteen units of the books and, conveniently, we're supposed to be able to be assessed at a 2/2 level (speaking/reading) by the end of week sixteen. From a newbie perspective, this seems rather clear: we must learn a unit a week. But then throw in the fact that three of us were absolute beginners, with no knowledge of French, and you can see how the first month or two would go more slowly. After all, we had to learn not just the vocabulary and grammar, but the actual pronunciation, including accents, spelling, and rules of connecting words or not connecting words together.

I think the plan had been to first assess us at week eight, halfway through the general time allotted for Phase 1, and halfway through the units allotted to Phase 1; we were assessed in week eight, and we all tested well in my class: we were at a 1+/1+, right where we were expected to be. We were then just completing unit five. Then, the original "plan" had us testing next at week sixteen... by which time theoretically, we would be through unit sixteen in the book.

This means that we now feel like we have to learn eleven units in just three weeks, since our 2/2 assessment was scheduled for the end of May. This wasn't a random assumption: our new instructor indicated that she would be doing at least three units per week to get us to the finish line (of unit sixteen).

Naturally, we freaked out a bit. Well, I did anyway. I went to the language supervisor (a different person than our instructor) and let her know about my feeling. The next day, she spoke to my class and assured us that all was progressing as it should, and that although we did need to get to unit sixteen in three weeks, several of the units were review and repetition. We felt a bit better.

The next day, the language supervisor came to speak to us again: our assessment was being delayed a week (to week 17) and we were each being assigned a one-on-one tutor, for an hour, twice a week. Also, instead of the usual, preferred method of having a main instructor for four hours a day and a different conversation instructor for one hour a day, we would have five hours with our primary instructor and no conversation instructor.

But, we were assured, we're not being rushed.

That was two weeks ago. Since then, we have covered three units, each with all new vocabulary and grammar rules. Our new instructor is very thorough and provides us with sheafs of handouts each day, which clarify and give examples of the new lessons we're learning. She's a tough task-mistress and I haven't quite figured out how to be more patient with either myself or with her. I'm struggling, and by the end of each day I am exhausted, frustrated, and quite sure that my brain is leaking out of both ears. By the end of each week, I feel worn down emotionally. I think it's the combination of a tough pace, a tough teacher, and a whole new style of teaching, which has shifted much of the responsibility of learning from the teacher in the classroom, to the student at home. I spend three to four hours outside of class each day studying, doing homework, and memorizing vocabulary.

There are no signs of slowing down. It looks like May is going to be one hell of a month and I just hope that my brain can re-charge each night and be ready each morning for the new day's marathon.

Saturdays are reserved as No French days, although I cheat and play with my French apps sometimes anyway. My classmates and I are doing our best to encourage each other and help explain difficult concepts to one another. Every now and then one of us snaps at the instructor, which is awkward for everyone.

But, I'm going to be speaking French like a pro in no time... I hope!

Meanwhile, I'm doing my best to take care of my health: in bed by 9:30pm each night, making my lunches and trying hard to eat breakfast every day, and exercising. I've squeezed in a 30-minute walk after class and before homework, every day. On Wednesdays and Sundays, I swim for half an hour with a coworker who is also going through a different language study program. I think these things help, but of course once on the path to eating, sleeping, and exercising more, it feels like I'm not doing enough. It's hard to keep myself from trying to mash even more into my schedule.

Like for example, the Data Visualization class I'm taking through my Master's in International Relations degree program. It took up two six-hour chunks of my last two Saturdays and has a project associated with it that will eat up around six hours of some other day. Probably not my best decision but it keeps me active in the study program. I'm not sure yet if my new lifestyle (not to mention location) will allow me to continue the program. To be determined...

La vie est belle... life is beautiful... I tell myself to just keep repeating that. In French, of course...

--Z

J'aime Bien Ma Vie ...

Bonjour mes amis! Comment allez vous? Je vais tres, tres bien, mais aussi tres occupee. Je suis desolee pour l'ecriture sans accents!

Hello to everyone who might be reading this! How are you! I am very well, but also very busy. I am sorry for writing without accents...

As you can see, French has taken over my brain. On a daily basis my brain melts a little, grows a little, and melts again. It's been over a month since I've written and for that, I apologize. Not too much has changed, although it's nice to report that the blues have been staying hidden away.

My general weekday looks like this:

5:30am - alarm wakes me and I try to make it be quiet.
5:45am - alarm sounds again and forces me out of bed. I shuffle around until somehow I'm dressed, fed (sometimes), and ready to go.
7:xx - Arrive with J (who I pick up each day and who is learning Croation for her first post at Zagreb) at FSI. We generally have good conversation that revolves around what we think of the day or the news or the plans for the upcoming weekend.
7:40am - My brain melts and grows during French class.
10:30am - I take a break, usually outside, then study for an hour, then eat lunch. This varies depending on mood.
12:40pm  - Brain melt occurs during French class.
2:30pm - Take a break, then study for ~2 hours.
5:30pm - Arrive home and find dinner, relax, and study for a few more hours.
~10pm - Crash.

It's starting to feel very much like the movie "Hedgehog Day" after just ten weeks, and there are still twenty more weeks of French training to go! A few weeks ago, I took an informal assessment and performed well. That made me feel great and then immediately stressed me out. Why, you might wonder, since I was on track and seemingly in the groove? Well, my study routine had been fairly haphazard in subject material up to then: do some hw, surf the internet for French resources, do whatever felt fun, etc. So I worked with some instructors and came up with a pretty structured study plan, which while intense, scratches my itch of needing a routine. I have to say, I'm impressed with the resources and assistance given thus far in training.

Also, it's fun discovering the tricks of a new language: nuances, patterns of French thinking that appears, and idioms especially. Language is so cool! (And infuriating!)

Although my I feel quite sad about the decidedly odd coverage of the Baltimore events this weekend, as well as the awful earthquake and the devastation it wrought on Nepal, it has been incredible to be able to start expressing my thoughts and feelings on these subjects in French. Also, today I gave a (very broad, very basic) presentation about Mali in French and was able to answer a question or two!

Aside from French training, I've seen a few French movies (with subtitles), spent time with friends both local and work-related, and started swimming on a regular basis. Well, ok, I've only been three times so far, but it feels good and already it's easy to see improvement! Next on the list: eliminate (or severely limit) pizza intake. Hah!

Spring has sprung and it's finally warming up, which means there are lots of blue skies and seventy degree days.

Coming up is a weekend full of events: girl's night with a group from work on Friday; Passport DC (embassies open their doors to the public) and a going away part for a dozen classmates on Saturday; and swimming, studying, and a welcome reception for new incoming Foreign Service Officers on Sunday! Whew!

As my professor likes to say: La vie est belle!


--Z

Ups and Downs

The last two weeks have been mostly drama-free and French-filled fun. I had an out-of-town friend (the mother of a childhood friend of mine) stay with me for awhile, which was a nice change of pace. When our paths crossed we talked food and family and ways of life and the future. Hosting her also meant that I got to see my childhood friend and his two amazing kids last weekend, which is always a treat.

The past two weeks have been full of the mundane: studying, thinking about doing taxes, getting a haircut, finally having cleaners come clean the apartment (it's shiny, squeaky clean still, three days later!).

They have also been filled with Bamako-related events. For instance, I met half a dozen Bamako-bound foreign service officers at an organized dinner (at a French restaurant, of course). I was one of two first-tour people, which was a bit daunting, but all in all it was a fun outing and I'm glad to have gotten to see some faces that will become familiar come December! I also dined with a foreign service couple who were NGO workers in Bamako relatively recently, and they told me about their experiences, suggestions, warnings and love for the area. Just this weekend I treated another newly-found Bamako expat, who studied malaria there for the National Institute of Health for parts of the year, four years running. He told me of the enduring friendliness and kindness, poverty and need of Malians. He also highlighted ideas for meeting locals in a bid to keep me from getting stuck in the so-called "expat bubble."

The exciting also occurred: an insider tour of the White House, thanks to a carpool acquaintance and connections from his former employment. I got to see the Oval Office and several high-level meeting rooms, the Rose Garden and the White House press room. Afterwards, our little group went out for dinner and drinks in Georgetown: what a Washingtonian I'm becoming! I reconnected with a local friend over dinner and drinks another night, in keeping with last blog post's thoughts of maintaining friendships.

And of course, there were downs: last weekend I felt exhausted, so I slept a lot. Monday I felt better, but it turned out to be a feint by the germ gods: Tuesday I awoke with what I'm sure was some strain of the Plague, which kept me completely down and out for two days. By Thursday I'd conquered the sinus-invasion, expelled many of the snot-mutants, and returned to French classes. Happily, I was able to catch up on missed material quickly. This weekend, while it was productive and not at all bad, was also one of negative thoughts. It's not altogether clear why I'm having them, but they're there, and I'm trying to beat them back with reality checks, positivity breaks, and some nice-to-myself affirmations. While it's silly to think that happiness can and should reign all the time, it's still a bummer when I'm my own worst enemy. Loneliness, Self-Doubt, Fear, and Low Self-Esteem are mean, snarky, and sneaky foes. The good fight continues on, though, and I'm hopeful that with the rise of a new sun I will find them gone back under their rocks.

To end on a positive note, even with the Mean Minions of Negativity skulking about, I will proudly relay that today I studied, shopped, cooked, cleaned, called my parents, took a walk, met someone new and made them laugh ... and all of these things made me smile at some point.

So: bring it on, Monday!

--Z

A Not-So-Quick Update

Hello to any readers who have hung on! Apologies for the several-weeks-long hiatus from blog writing. It is my intention to try to write each week as I find more things to ponder, interesting history to relate, new people to pump for information, and French to speak!

On Friday, February 20th, I was formally sworn in as a foreign service officer. It was my class's official swearing in and my parents and my brother and sister-in-law were in attendance. It was a short but sweet ceremony complete with peppy advice and a large audience of our family and friends, come to cheer us all on. Two mentors of mine were present and I was able to introduce them to my family, which was a nice bonus. I feel like it particularly gave my parents some faces and names to reach out to if they had questions (both mentors offered this up as an option). After the ceremony, we headed to a restaurant in Georgetown along with many people in my class. My family got to meet many of my classmates and instructors. For me, this was where I really felt like my new life was forming. I hope to be able to bring my personal family into my foreign service life as much as possible.

After a weekend of hanging out with my family, I promptly began with French language training. I have approximately seven and a half months to become professionally fluent in French, which is a daunting task. However, the Foreign Service Institute (FSI) has done this many times before and I feel that I'm in very good hands. My class has four students: myself, a fellow 180th A-100 member who is bound for the Central African Republic, and two foreign service specialist men headed to France and Gabon. We all get along quite well and challenge each other, laughing quite a bit. I could not be happier with my instructor, too, who is from Senegal and is a wonderful teacher for us beginners.

Language training goes like this: Class starts at 7:40am sharp each weekday. We do three hours of instruction, two with our primary instructor and one with a different pronunciation instructor. Then we have a two hour break for lunch and study. Then we're back in the classroom with our primary instructor for two hours. We're done at 2:30pm, but are expected to study for at least two additional hours in the language lab. This is a lab of computers set up with headphones and dozens of electronic programs and resources, some designed specifically for beginning French students! There are videos, music, lesson plans, and more.

We are expected to achieve basic fluency in six weeks, described as understanding sentence structure and with a vocabulary large enough to get around with basic tasks in French. I am two weeks in and already getting nervous about our first evaluation. However, that's mostly just testing nervousness, I hope: I feel that I'm keeping up well in class and study quite a bit, both at FSI and at home.

After six weeks and our first evaluation, we will get a new instructor. There are three phases of our training and they try to change up instructors with each phase so that we learn pronunciation, vocabulary, context, and conversation from many different French speakers from around the world.

I'm exhausted by the end of each day, but can feel improvement as my vocabulary slowly expands and I'm able to say a bit more. Each morning, our instructor has a short conversation with each of us in French. While it's a bit repetitive now, it feels good to be able to decide what questions I want to ask, or how to answer his questions. I can decide, because it's not just memorization!

I think it's terrifically cool that in September, all fingers crossed, I'll be able to discuss policy and ideas in a whole new language. Whoa!

Aside from language studies, I've been researching Mali: history, culture, current events. That in itself is a daunting task! But it's absolutely fascinating. Plus, after language classes, I will eventually get to take a two week course called "Area Studies" which will cover the African continent as a whole and my post in particular (among others). This is to give some context to where we're all going.

Meanwhile, it seems that once you're bound for a place like Bamako, you meet a surprising number of people who have been there, or are going. I've met a recently returned Foreign Service Officer (FSO) from Bamako, a single woman who adopted a six-year-old Malian girl. She had interesting thoughts to share on being a Western woman working with locally employed staff, and some of the joys and challenges of that. Then there's the random USAID guy I met at a party of friends unrelated to the Foreign Service, who lived in Bamako for four years researching malaria and malaria medications! At a dinner out with friends the other night, I saw a woman I knew had been to Bamako, and she was at a table of returned-from-Bamako FSOs! The foreign services comprise a small world, it seems...

Next Monday I will be meeting other foreign service members - generalists, like me, as well as specialists and USAID officers - heading to Bamako in the next year. We're going to dinner at a French restaurant in DC! In April, I've got tickets to a concert of Fatoumata Diawara, a Malian musician. My side table at home is stacked with five library books about Mali.

During the evenings, between speaking French aloud to myself, I ponder many of the (to me) mysteries of moving to a foreign country. What to bring? What to buy? What to dump?

One big realization I made this weekend, which was of course a completely obvious truth, was that it's really important to maintain the friendships I have outside of the Foreign Service. For the last two months I have put most of my energies into meeting my new colleagues, hosting and attending social events, and learning about my new department, job, and lifestyle. This is all incredibly important. However, it cannot and should not come at the cost of my existing relationships. To that end, I am making an effort to communicate and connect with friends near and far. It's been two months of me shutting myself in with readings and social activities with work folks. Time to open back up for business.

Well, that's my news for the time being. I look forward to hearing from all of you out there!

Á bientôt!

--Z

A Long Weekend

It was a three day weekend, made into a four day weekend by the lovely snow! And what, you may ask yourself, have I been doing?

Why, spazzing out about my post, of course! Bamako, Mali, a fascinating place that is going to become a reality in ten months, holds every ounce of my attention these days. Just to give you an idea, I have sixteen tabs open in my browser right now. They vary from Wikipedia to Youtube to BBC news to various educational websites about Mali. I'm listening to Diabaté Sissoko, a popular Malian musician.

My readings include discussions about the Taureg rebels, al Qaida alliances (but not really the al Qaida most of us know), cultural reference guides, history summaries, and more. I've put half a dozen books on hold at the library and marked a few more on Amazon for possible purchase.

Between bouts of Mali-intensive research, I have written an organizational change paper for class and spent time with my brother, who is staying with me until next weekend. I've also had fun e-mailing with many friends and family about Flag Day and the upcoming year of excitement.

It's been a perfectly lovely weekend, as you can tell!

--Z

Flag Day was yesterday! This is the State Department's informal ceremony notifying new Foreign Service officers of their first posting. I got one of my top choices: Bamako, Mali! My parents and some good friends were there to cheer me on, which was fantastic! 

I will go through seven months of intensive French language training (starting 2/23), followed by a few months of area studies and management training. Then, in December, I'll be off to live and work as a diplomat and management officer for the Embassy there. More on the job itself once I find out!

My schedule is pretty constant, but my plan is to try to find the odd 3-day weekend to visit family and friends as much as possible.

I'm terribly excited about this new career and first posting, and look forward to sharing it with you, readers, whoever you may be, every step of the way. If you've got any questions, any at all, send'm my way. I've probably got many of the same ones, to be honest, but hopefully many things will become clearer in the next ten months! 

Another note about Flag Day: my colleagues nominated me for the Glenn Munroe award, which is named for a past Foreign Service Officer. The description is: "Glenn was a firm believer in the importance of 'esprit de corps.'  He also believed that 'service' was the operative word in Foreign Service, and was committed to serving his country."

--Z

Jitters

It's 6:19am and I'm awake. Well, technically, I'm awake. In a few minutes I'll set out to pick up my carpool buddies, head to the fifth Friday of A-100, and remain as attentive as possible during the day's usual insane schedule. And then, at 3:30pm, after friends and family of more than seventy professionals have gathered in a room in Arlington...

Then, I will find out my first overseas Foreign Service posting. In honor of my schizophrenic mood this morning, a poem:

A Jumble

I want to run and jump and shout!

I want to run and hide and cry.

Excitement, thrill, intensity, anticipation,

Fear, apprehension, unease, dry-mouth.

New friends and colleagues around me,

Old friends and family left behind.

Overlaying everything:

passion adventure dreams.




More in approximately twelve hours...

--Z

A-100: Halfway Through

It's amazing to me that we're already halfway through A-100. Some of my classmates are more surprised that we still have three weeks left. It's a matter of perspective and anticipation, I suppose. In any case, the last two weeks have been a continued stream from the fire hydrant of State Department information, organization, culture, and processes.

My emotional numbness lasted until late in the second week and then somehow started to wear off. In the third week I started feeling less like a drowning elephant flailing around, which is a relief. This week, I handed in my "ranking" of our bid list, which involves marking each of about a hundred possible posts with H, M or L (high, medium, or low). And now it's completely out of my hands! The Career Development Officers will take all of my classes rankings, and their stated preferences (like, good school for kids, or in my case, opportunity to learn a language), and make post assignments. 

Ranking the posts on the bid list was an interesting exercise. First, I had to learn about each post: Where is it? How big is the embassy? What do people at the post think of it? What kind of job is it? How "difficult" is it, and how dangerous? Does it sound interesting? What are the travel opportunities, ability to mix with local communities, etc? And doing this for such a large list was pretty overwhelming. 

With the help of my new colleagues as well as my parents, I came up with a pretty good ranking, though, and once I submitted it, I felt a huge weight lift. Many of my colleagues report feeling the same way. The lectures and lessons are much easier and more fun to sit through now, without the bid list hanging over us. For me, it's nice to be able to become absorbed in the lessons and forget about - or at least, avoid thinking about - where I might get posted. 

Socially, I've gotten together with classmates several times. Last night I organized a very successful Ethiopian dinner, attended by over twenty classmates/spouses!

All is going well... just 13 days until Flag Day...

--Z

A-100: Week 1

My class of 70+ new foreign service officers is a really interesting an amazing group of people, ranging in age, experience, attitude and interests. There are married with kids types, and I can't imagine how they're managing their family expectations! There are also quite a few singles, like me. Every one of them is remarkable in some way!

Monday consisted primarily of in-processing: paperwork, briefings on retirement, medical coverage, and badging, and many welcome speeches and introductions. 

Tuesday was our first day at the Foreign Service Institute (FSI) in Virginia, a very cool campus where foreign service officers get their training, from orientation to area studies to languages. In orientation we are required to wear business formal clothing - for men, this means suit and tie; for women, it means a jacket with slacks, skirts, or dresses - but we're the only ones dressed that way, so we're easy to pick out as newbies. The other folks on campus remind me very much of college students: studying in the halls, listening to headphones, schlepping books and papers from here to there. There's a "quad" area outside with pathways through small grassy hills. The cafeteria offers a nice range of hot and cold, healthy and not, and for many different dietary types. The auditoriums are named "Kennan" and other famous diplomats and Secretaries of State. There are rooms lined with computers and halls lined with comfy chairs sit in while studying. 

On Wednesday we got our "bid list" which shows a list of all possible posts with language requirements and approximate start dates. We have a surprising number of Western posts available: Toronto and Vienna, for example. And then there are the Asia/Africa posts: Mali or Burma or China, to name a few. And in South America there are several too, many of which are in Mexico. There are some surprisingly (to me, anyway) "nice" posts, like Auckland and Bern. We have to submit a 'preferences' worksheet by this coming Wednesday, which gives our Career Development Officers (CDOs) an idea of what factors we consider important. Then we have to rank each post as high, medium, or low, and submit that list in a week and a half. Whew!

Thursday and Friday we learned about various resources at FSI for researching posts, received history and organization lessons, and got to hear speakers from each of the regional bureaus in the State Department. 

Although our days consist primarily of receiving information, by each evening I'm exhausted and go to bed early. On Friday I found out at a happy hour that many of my new colleagues are feeling the same way. 

The hardest part for me in all this, I think, is the idea that I need to pick which countries I want to live in, while having no real idea yet of what it is I'll be doing, day in and day out. More than I expected, I miss my routine of work at NOAA, and the cadre of people that I would work with. Now each day is a surprise and a huge mish-mash of meeting new people (it takes awhile to meet 75 new people, all as confused and excited as me) and trying to make sense of the new information being fire-hosed at me. I also have to keep straight all the usual, personal stuff: what bills need paying, grocery shopping and laundry and correspondence with friends and family. 

It's incredibly overwhelming! There are days when I don't feel in the least excited about the upcoming prospects, when I feel emotion-les and tired, and this is weird for me. I'm generally a "feelings" kind of person and take my cues from what emotions are within me at the moment. The only thing I can figure is that the unknown is making me a bit scared and apprehensive, and once February 13 is over, I'll lighten up a bit. Friday, February 13, is the date when I get my assignment, training requirements, and ship-out date. 

It can't come fast enough for me! In the meantime, I will be learning as much as possible about the State Department, the Foreign Service, and really, about myself in this new role of diplomat. 

--Z

New Year, New Adventure

Just two days left of work at NOAA, then a weekend, and then it's off to the Foreign Service races! I can't believe it's finally here...

The last few weeks have been lovely: 

- lots of shopping with a style-savvy friend to stock up my business professional wardrobe

- the fabulous parental units came up to DC to spend Dec 25-28 with me, during which time we cooked and checked out museums and talked and laughed. It was an excellent long weekend! 

- much pondering, worrying, anticipating, and wondering about my new career path

- meeting other local hires in my Foreign Service orientation class, including returned Peace Corps volunteers, current State Dept employees, and amazing work experiences and personalities

- a quiet and warming new year's eve spent with a good friend eating ravioli and watching movies

- organizing a few welcome wagon activities for folks in my class flying in to DC this week/weekend

And now, it's just a few days away! I've found a group to carpool to training with, which will be nice. Our first day, though, we'll all get to "Main State" on our own. That's the nickname of the Department of State (DOS) main administrative building. There we'll get processed into DOS, including badges and myriads of other paperwork. 

On day two, we'll head for the Foreign Service Institute (FSI) in Arlington, VA, and that's when orientation really begins. I don't really know what to expect!

It's a grand adventure ahead, and I find that saying my goodbyes at NOAA, while bittersweet, also intensifies my excitement about joining the Foreign Service. I will, however, seriously miss the incredible people I've worked with over the past several years. It's the side of satellite technology and weather prediction that goes unseen by most of the public, but I can tell you firsthand that the women and men who make satellite data accessible on a 24x7x365 basis, and get that data to the folks who use it, are a determined, dedicated, funny, and incredibly big-brained group. 

It seems trite and cliché to type this, but I'll do it anyway: it was truly my honor to have gotten the chance to work, learn, and grow at the NOAA Satellite Operations Facility, with old friends and new, government and military and contractor. Thank you to any and all who welcomed me to their team at the NSOF!