Another Year!

I'm now 34.

Interesting connections:
3 - Zoë
4 - Rose

Coincidence? I think not!

And, 3+4=7, which is a lucky number.

In any case, another year whizzed by, and I have to say, life is good. Work keeps me busy and engaged, alternately satisfied and not, but almost always interesting and with challenges there for the taking.

Summer vacation from grad school is also fantastically satisfying! I'm reading three books at the moment (Jules Vernes' "The Mysterious Island," Max Brooks' "World War Z," and Sonia Sotomayor's "My Beloved World."So much fun! My CSA delivers yummy veggies each week, living with Cody and Joe is fun, the Foreign Service process is going well, and basically all is well in the world!

There are some harder things, of course: aging grandparents; impending move in October (to a new apartment, or finding a new roommate); frustration with getting into shape and losing weight; the itch to travel, travel travel ever present.

All in all though, life is pretty darned good. The past year has been a real kick with finding a new educational interest and possible career direction, and wrestling with life decisions and self-perceptions and ideas of the future. Looking forward to a year of amazingness, now!

~Z~

Exciting Days, Exhausting Days

The last few weeks have been exciting, fulfilling, frustrating and exhausting. School keeps me on my toes and stretches my mind as I read, write, and pontificate, and I'm three weeks away from finishing my first year as a graduate student at American University. Meanwhile, work has been ramping up in two different veins: a big contract activity I'm involved with as well as preparing for a satellite launch. Both culminated this week and went well, I'm happy to report! In other news, I passed the first round of State Department FSO testing and stressed for three weeks about writing essays for the second round. Hopefully in a week or two there'll be news about whether I've made it to round three. In a few weekends Passover will take me to North Carolina to celebrate with the family and a few weeks after that my cousin's wedding will take me to Florida. Living with two roommates has settled into a good experience but brings stress in that they'll be moving out at the end of the lease (July 31) so it's time to start looking for a new place to live, probably on my own again.

All this has me constantly trying to catch my breath, but it's a fun, wild ride!

Lots Happening, Nothing Changing

It's been five months and a lot - and nothing - has happened. How so, you ask? Here, let me tell you!

In late December I got on a plane and headed to Myanmar (Burma) with a group of undergraduates also attending American University. We spent two weeks in Yangon (Rangoon) and Mandalay, speaking with various education spokespersons, from teachers to students, debate club organizers to volunteers, government committee members to translators. All had hope and all were resigned to slow progress. There was much discussion of revolution versus reformation. Overall I was incredibly impressed with the fortitude, determination and optimistic views of everyone I met. And of course, I was bowled over by the unique culture of a new place. It was really an adventure and while I'd love to say more now, I'm not quite ready to process it all out loud yet!

I'm now in my second semester of graduate school, studying away for a degree in International Relations at American University. The first two classes were challenging and fascinating and although completely different, this semester's classes can be described, overall, in the same way: challenging and fascinating. I'm taking "International Studies: History, Theory, Practice" and "Security from within the State." Up until just recently both have been largely philosophical and, oddly, introspective.

Just last weekend I took the Foreign Service Officer test for the State Department. I have no real sense of how I did, although there's a nagging feeling that it was good enough. Nevertheless, I remain hopeful as I wait - impatiently, of course - for the results of the test, which will take 3-6 weeks to come out. If I did pass, there will be two additional phases prior to going through background, security and medical checks. Each phase is competitive, meaning if I don't pass one, I would have to wait a year and then start from the beginning. Whew!

Meanwhile, work in general goes along well, although there are rumors at some organizational changes that I'm not sure I care for. I continue to want to do well and progress, while at the same time knowing that this isn't my permanent home in terms of a career. This May I will come up on a personal milestone of paying off my military time and thus gaining eight years towards federal service, putting me at ten years service as of July. For some reason this stands out to me as a key milestone, although in reality ten years - while better than just two! - is not indicative of any great achievement or reward.

On the home front, my friend Joe has returned from his deployment and is visiting Cody for a few weeks. He'll go back to Colorado Springs to work out his employment situation, hopefully getting a job set up for the general DC area, and then will possibly move back in with me and Cody until the lease is up this summer. I have no idea what I'll do then, since they'll most likely move to their own place and I really can't afford this apartment on my own. The idea of a shedding "stuff" and finding a small apartment for myself is attractive. Moving again is not.

With Joe's return I also realize, in completely immature fashion, that I'm single and, for lack of making an effort otherwise, likely to stay that way. Most times this doesn't bother me. Ok, perhaps not completely true, but most times I don't let it bother me too much. It's harder when you become the third in a living space alongside a couple. I know this from past experience, yet I failed to recognize the likelihood of its impact on me. For example, today I've acted like a complete jerk towards both Joe and Cody, for no reason other than my own self-loathing in this regard. If that sounds harsh, it's because my mood is foul and I'm not very unforgiving of my own crabbiness, especially when it's so selfish and baseless. I don't loathe myself; instead, I have no idea why it bothers me so much that I'm single. If it really mattered, wouldn't I do something about it?

Everyone says 'there's time' and that it'll 'happen when I least expect it' and to 'relax.' I can't figure out if it's really important to me, or if so why (because society says so or because finding someone is truly important to me or because I want a family). Also, what should I do about it anyway? Move to a place with a better ratio? (DC is notorious for having a terrible ration for women.) Having recently made a half-assed effort to go out with someone, just to be shot down (and realize that he's not right for me anyway), it just seems sort of silly. After all, I'm making all the efforts to find a career I'll be happy in, that will get me traveling or living abroad and into a subject area I'm passionate about. Obviously the ability to at least attempt to improve my situation in that respect is there. So why not in this other aspect of my life?

*sigh* So, as I said at the beginning of this post: it's been five months since I've written, and while a lot has happened... absolutely nothing has changed.

--Z

NOTE: I'm in a mood. I'm sad. I've been a jerk to my roommates for no reason and am feeling bad about it. In no way am I as down as I sound, overall. It's just the moment I'm currently in.

A Surprising Thought

It happened at Panera, of all places.

After a weekend dedicated to reading dense research papers and scrabbling to think like a student again, my vision was blurry and my mind confused. Just a week into American University's international relations program, I'm realizing just how long it's been since challenging myself this way. (Neither here nor there, but it's been about seven years!) It's a whole different kind of challenge and one that has had me alternately fascinated and melting down.

Any lingering readers may think I'm being melodramatic and I wouldn't necessarily argue that. However, it's been an exhausting effort trying to dredge up (and get current on) knowledge of citations and scholarly language, learning new research principles and applying them to an attempt to find a "puzzle" in the world to attempt to solve via my quantitative methods class, and then submitting a coherent research proposal ... well, it made me question my leap back into the academic world.

Back to the subject of this blog post, though - and as I said, it happened at Panera. I was having dinner with my roommate, Cody, and he was talking about taking a vacation and going somewhere new and exotic. He's fresh out of the Army, waiting to (hopefully) start a new job in the near future, and has lots of free time. Anyway, when he mentioned haring off somewhere in the world, I had a brief flashback to when I would tell people of my plans or hopes to travel and how the most common response was, "I wish I could do that."

Here's the surprise: that was not my immediate response. My immediate response was, "That's fun, but I'm happy where I'm at."

Whoa. I mean, whoa!

Since moving back to DC over a year ago, most of my efforts have been to get out, do new things, meeting new people, and figure out where I'm going next. To that end I researched the State Department and considered taking their Foreign Service Officer test; applied to the Department of Defense Education Activity (teaching dependents at military bases overseas); and began a Master's program to get educated in international relations so that I might qualify for and learn of opportunities abroad. So it's always been about where I'm going as opposed to where I'm at.

And it still is, but perhaps a little less so. For now, I'm actually pretty happy challenging myself with academics and living a good life in DC with a new roommate.

Life is good!

Summer Arrival

The month of May brought some teasers for summer - warmth and rain, followed quickly by downright cold weekends. If the past four days of 90+ degree weather is any indication, though, I believe I can say with assurance that summer has arrived and is here to stay!

With summer come many changes, the first being one of address! That's right, I've applied, been approved for, and signed the lease on a new apartment. I can't take any credit for having found the place, though. Cody, my future roommate, was visiting DC with Joe and Jeff, and we all went apartment hunting together. Of course, first we had to go to the farmer's market, my regular Saturday morning routine, and there Cody pointed out some nice windows overlooking the market and said he wished we could live there.

Long story short, we went in and asked, looked at their one available apartment, and after seeing half a dozen other places the same day, decided to apply for it! The price is right and the location is perfect, the building is new and has all sorts of good amenities. I'm going to spend the month of June moving (paying double rent, unfortunately, but at least it lets me do a leisurely job of moving!) and Cody will move in early July. Yahoo! Pictures when we're moved in!

Otherwise, not too much happened in May. Cody, Jeff and Joe visited one weekend, and Jeff came back another weekend to hang out. I went clothing shopping and actually found some good stuff thrifting with Mandy. My CSA started and the first two deliveries were lots of fun; I'm looking forward to a season of yummy fresh stuff! Exercise routine has gone by the wayside, of course, although I've been mostly eating pretty healthy. I've gone on a few bike rides, which were fun.

Next weekend is Virginia Beach with family and friends, which ought to be great!

That's the news that is fit to print... work is still going well, the feet are still hurting, and in general life is pretty decent!

--Z

Back on the Wagon

 

What wagon, you may ask? Well, a couple of them:

This week I haven’t eaten out once this week! I went a little nuts at Whole Foods last weekend, and have been cooking for myself all week. Some dishes I made include a broccoli slaw coleslaw with homemade dressing; stir-fry with mushrooms and tempeh, brussells sprouts braised in white wine, citrus collard greens, pasta with fresh asparagus… yum! I don’t know that I’ll be losing any weight but at least I’m eating well!

I’ve been working out, doing P90X with a friend of mine. While I don’t see any change yet, various muscles throughout my body feel pretty worked out! That sweet, good ache; the twinges when I reach for or lift something; and in general, the energy level is up!

Reading! Oddly enough, it’s been a dry couple of months where I haven’t read a darned thing! A co-worker and I traded books and now I’m reading “The WInd Up GIrl” by Paolo Bacigalupi, a sci-fi bio-punk set in Bangkok. It’s fun to read and reminds me of my time in Thailand, which is a great side effect.

It’s not exactly a wagon, but I’m working on finding a two- or three-bedroom row-house or apartment to move into this summer… in other words, I’m going back to having a roommate! A few things prompted this: mostly, a friend of mine is moving to town; but also, I think I’m finally ready to take that step and have a roommate again, have someone to chat with and talk to, and share my space with!

Those are my wagons, I suppose. Otherwise, I’ve been enjoying the nice weather when it’s here. Spring may have finally arrived because we’re getting rain and humid warmth now and again. Every Sunday I go enjoy the drum circle in a nearby park. I’m hoping to start swimming regularly – at least once a week, hopefully more. And tomorrow I’m going to Spa World, which I’m TOTALLY ready for!

--Z--

The Secret of Dancing

Over the last four weeks I’ve been spending quite a bit of time with a particular girlfriend of mine. She’s fantastic – energetic, positive, artsy, funny and thoughtful – and we’ve done many random things together: spent a day at a Korean spa in Virginia; brunched together more than once; gone fabric hunting for a sewing project of hers; watched the Socky Horror Puppet Show at a neighborhood bar; and danced the night away. She’s such an individual and I admire her very much.

Most of all, I was with her when I had a bit of an epiphany: there is no right way to dance. Why did it take me so long to figure this out? Why didn’t I believe people who told me that anyone could dance? Seriously! How the heck did this elude me?!

Don’t get me wrong – there are specific ways to dance that are right and wrong. I make no claim to know how to salsa, rhumba, or tango. And there are ways of dancing that probably look dumber than others. But really, just going to a club and dancing to its music boils down to one cliché method: dance like no one is watching. [I’m imagining a groan emanating from anyone reading this, but hear me out.]

Watching this friend of mine dance her heart out to some kind of odd but invigorating “psychotropical punk rock” music in a club underneath a Subway on U Street. It was like she was in her own little world; in fact, a space cleared around her (not that it was too crowded, but still) as she moved, bounced, shook and danced. Now, she can move – she’s a dancer, has done it a lot and has smooth moves; but still, there was no prescription of how to do it right. While most people were shuffling from one foot to another, the occasional arm shooting upwards to point at the band or at the ceiling in rhythmic music, my friend – and a one or two others – were just going nuts with the dancing, following the beat as they heard it, moving to the music as they felt it.

How cool is that?

The secret of dancing is that there is no right way to move to the music. YOUR way is the right way, possibly only for you but still, the right way. MY way, as fumbling and erratic and awkward as I feel I must look in a crowd of regulars, is the right way.

Who knew? Am I the only one who didn’t know?

In other news, that night of dancing wrecked my feet. I’ll be checking in with the podiatrist next week to see what can be done. Tonight some German couchsurfers arrive; on Friday, a couple from Spain. This weekend I look forward to visiting with my friends Jeff and Eric, here in DC for an OutServe function on Saturday. In the coming weeks I hope to hear that Congress has decided to stop punishing the country for having elected them (in other words, I hope not to be furloughed from work).

The past month, aside from hanging out with my cool, quirky and dancing-fool friend, has been tiring (shaking off that head cold) but speckled with jeweled good times: a Richmond rendezvous with my parents was lots of fun; random bicycling around town keeps me at least a little active; and finding out that I got into a CSA starting in May was great!

I’m ready for spring; and I’m ready for my feet to heal so that I can dance, dance, dance to the music.

--Z

Brief Summary, Starting Up Again

 

All right, so three months have gone by … apologies! Guess I needed a break from writing; or maybe writing needed a break from me. Either way, time to start up again!

What have you missed? Not a lot, to be honest. Here’s a quick recap:

December: Sinus and ear infections knocked me down right at the beginning, letting up just enough for me to enjoy a brief weekend visit with my grandmother in Miami. Although energy levels stayed low, I enjoyed a serendipitous new year’s eve, wherein I was reunited with my old dresser at a friend’s college friend’s party; he’d bought it from me as I was leaving DC last time.

January: Seeing a new podiatrist relieved much of my foot pain, which although not a 100% gone is vastly improved. Energy level spiked back up mid-month, prodding me to get out and bike absurd distances (much to my bum’s distress).

February: Drop in energy level coincides with head-cold symptoms again.

Sure, there’s been more than just this, but that’s a basic review of the last quarter year. I can’t quite believe we’re in the second month of 2013 already. As I try to kick this latest of bugs I can feel an inner prodding to go DO things, be active and social and busy. I can feel myself becoming sedentary, since health, weather and feet have conspired to keep me from walking much.

Themes for 2013:

• Figure it out (“"it” changing depending on my mood, but most often meaning life, love and the pursuit of happiness)
• Choices (veganism; consumer responsibility; locovore habits; life directions)

 

Work goes well, keeps me busy and paid. Family goes well, with happy parents, funny brother and long-lived grandparents. Soul-searching goes on, and on, and on, seemingly with no end or resolution.

And writing – well, this is the first writing I’m doing in awhile; hopefully it is the beginning of a trend!

--Z

Pretty Things

 

It’s a beautiful autumn here in DC. Anyone else enjoying the strength and vibrancy of the colors? It seems as though the tint of the leaves and force of the sky is everywhere these days. When I walked into my apartment after a visit home, I couldn’t help but smile at the sight that greeted me:

This picture doesn’t do it justice. The light from the sky shone through the window, highlighting the bright green of my houseplants, which made a cheerful, alive contrast to the scene outside the window, trees in the last of autumn’s thrust.

Seriously: I smiled, laughed out loud.

Of course, it wasn’t just the pretty living room of my apartment. The weekend was a great one spent visiting my folks. I’d drive down on Friday, enjoying the fall colors on the corridor of I-95 and I-85, against the snappy blue sky. Saturday was a day of shopping, manicures, lunch and hanging out with mom; cooking a delicious dinner of healthy stuff with dad; and watching a slideshow of my mom’s travels.

Yes, a real slideshow, with a slide projector my mom recently found for a deal. Some of the destinations I traveled to during my year abroad were places I’d heard of from my mom: Kathmandu, particularly, and Thailand and Cambodia. Her slides held images from forty years ago, fascinating time travel for us all to watch.

Hearing my mom tell of her travels, watching the foreign but achingly familiar scenes flip by, was such a great adventure. What was really shocking was when the occasional image came up that seemed an exact match for one of mine. Seriously! We’d all stop and stare and comment on the similarities of the framed scene.

Well, the next day was full of birthday fun – mom’s birthday was a whirl of special breakfast, theater, gifts, dinner out with friends, and beautiful weather.

And Monday I drove myself home, to my apartment with the cheerful view of autumn. What a great weekend!

A Month in Review

 

It’s been a pretty zoom-y and eventful month, month plus, since last I wrote, so I’ll just tell you about a couple of the highlights!

Dumpling Party! You read it right, I attended a dumpling party put on by a couchsurfing friend of mine here in DC. There were probably forty or more people in the English basement style apartment, with maybe half that having brought dumplings of various kinds, mostly home made! It was a great party where I knew just a two or three people, but met so many more: Lauren from France, James from California, and many many more. It was a pretty happy crew! For the occasion I had spent the day researching momo recipes. A momo is a type of dumpling I encountered in Nepal, small, delicate, usually filled with veggies or meat, often spicy and served with spicy dip. I seem to come across the reference of their being a Tibetan influence on Nepal fairly often. My favorites were the steamed kind, but they’re available fried, too. After agonizing, I finally whittled my many online finds to one site for the stuff recipe and a second site for the folding technique. Momos have a distinctive shape. To be honest, the prospect intimidated me a bit!

It turned out, however, to be easier and more fun than anticipated. The stuffing was just finely chopped or grated ingredients – cabbage, spinach, carrot, onion, etc – and a nice five-spice blend that, in my opinion, really brought back the taste I remembered. The wrappers were just wonton wrappers. And the folding was hard, but not nearly as impossible to replicate as I’d expected. I made about three dozen of them and it was quite amusing and artsy feeling to me! I steamed them in batches, put them in tupper containers, mixed up one hot and one salty-sweet dipping sauce, and off to the dumpling party I went!

On the Wednesday before the dumpling party, Kim arrived. Kim is a Canadian couchsurfer, a twenty-something traveler who is recently deaf.

Anaelle and Lauren from France stayed with me one night, and while I didn’t get to spend too much time with them, they seemed lively and quirky and fun. Lauren and Nick, a British/American couple, met while teaching English in South Korea, and are now doing a road trip across the US on $50 per day (total, not each).

A girl’s night one Saturday was a big success! DC friends met new apartment friends, my Romanian couchsurfer met a blond Muslim friend I met during an archaeological dig in Israel, and a friend from Jewish summer camp I attended when I was eleven met a girl I served with in the Air Force, in Montana. What a mixed crowd! Everyone brought food and we chowed down, sat in my living room, and chatted into the night. Sometimes it was fractured conversations, other times we were all tossing the proverbial conversation stick around on a single topic. Everyone seemed to have a good time. Success!

The dating scene has been packed, too, though nothing has made it past date number three yet.

On the political scene, I’m watching and listening with some trepidation as the shit-slinging reaches it’s usual pre-election high . A guy I met at the dumpling party introduced me to some of his friends and coworkers and there was discussion of getting together to watch the debates, although I didn’t end up doing that since the debates were so late. And in a sudden rush of civic citizenship I have learned most of my local elected leadership and written down the date and time of the next neighborhood meeting. My neighbor-friend Clare and I are going to go vote together one of these days. Very exciting!

Weekends have been filled with wandering DC and visiting friends, most recently my good friend Joe and his partner Cody. We did a driving tour around DC, Maryland and Virginia on one day; on another we went to a potluck at James’ house (guy from the dumpling party) and the farmer’s market. Another weekend my parents came to visit and check out my apartment! We went to the Library of Congress one day and to the Museum of Natural History the next. It was really nice to chat, catch up and relax with the folks.

Work continues to be challenging and I have up days and down days. I’m enjoying DC very much. The dating is fun sometimes, and there are days I feel hopeful and really enjoy meeting new people; other days I feel like it’s hopeless. It’s hard not to feel like I’m running out of time sometimes. Other days I still feel hung up on recent past relationships.

Other thoughts fluttering through my mind these days: pondering a second master’s degree, in International Development, using GI Bill benefits; wondering if I should apply to Department of Defense schools program overseas, for the school year starting in 2013 or 2014; dreaming about the Peace Corps; and questioning what it is I actually want to do with my life.

Just another day in paradise… this weekend I’m going to a Halloween party and hosting an Australian couchsurfer. Otherwise, just enjoying autumn and the strange weather.

I hope you all are well – those who still read this blog after my long silence. I will do better from here on out, promise!

--Z