Hidden, Hiding

Left caption: Poor Lifechoices Coach
Right caption: Financial Ruin Advisor

 

I mentioned before how Eriq was largely an unknown to me, beyond what he chose to share. At the time, what he shared seemed like a lot: he spoke frankly about his past and current struggles with addiction and mental illness, a reckless lifestyle, living homeless on the streets of L.A. He also talked about his preferred future, which included being surrounded by adopted young people, appreciating the bounty of each day, and enjoying the simple things in life. He asked for help on some things but refused it or denied needing it in others. 

When we put on a solo art show for Eriq's work in order to raise money for his cremation, I looked anew at his art, wondering what I'd missed, and how. One man that had delivered food to Eriq routinely stopped by the art show, and was stunned by it; and not in a good way, necessarily. He had only known what Eriq showed him: a bright, funny, kind disposition, with depth and love enough that the deliveryman had purposely carved out fifteen, twenty minutes in his route just so he could stop and chat when he delivered Eriq's food. [Contextual note: in Phnom Penh, food delivery is extremely common from all kinds of restaurants and food prep businesses.] This man said he saw hurt and pain in Eriq's works, and he couldn't reconcile that with the man he'd known, in brief snippets. 

In the photo at the top of this post, there are two works hanging next to each other. Eriq did so many of these types of characters, often with distorted facial features. These are more rounded and realistic that the ones he was working on recently. I once asked him if they were self-portraits and he immediately responded with, "No. No. Well, not intentionally. I suppose all my art shows something of myself. But no, definitely not a self portrait." It's hard, though, not to wonder if his characters were all different ways Eriq saw himself or aspects of himself, whether intentional or not. The labels below are his quirky imaginings, which were on many of his smaller sketches and works. Eriq's labels were often quirky and playful, the lighter side of his art, in my opinion.  

Below are a couple of pieces I want to share; how they make me feel; and some anecdotes around them. In a video he made showing his artistic process on the above piece, Eriq starts out: "Well. I was watching Instagram this morning, like a fool." He goes on to to demonstrate how he goes about deciding what comes next. He also shows another silhouette he was working on and commented that while he liked it, there was "nothing challenging going on." The eight minute video ends with, "It's messy, it's not like they show on Instagram. They're lying to you." This video was made ten days before Eriq died. 

One of Eriq's last, unfinished
pieces.

I remember seeing this piece in his studio and feeling kinda freaked out by it. It bothered me, partially due to its unfinished look with the guideline sketches changing weekly, partially because of the vivid red colors, and partially because of the monster-like features. I decided to purchase it, and now it lives in my closet, hidden behind hanging clothing, to be brought out when I need reminding that an unfinished work - like Eriq himself, maybe - contains a whole lot more than the initial impression given. 

 

Possibly unfinished. Seen in
multiple orientations.

This is another unfinished work. I know this because when Eriq was finished, his paintings were covered in clear epoxy; this one is not. The texture of the red, the gorgeous teal background, that odd, messy shape. What is it? Why is it that way? This piece also made me feel uncomfortable when I saw it in Eriq's studio during classes or visits. It feels forbidding to me. Now, I can't help but feel that it's symbolic somehow; anger, rage, hurt, blood, turmoil, burning smoke roiling... was this how Eriq felt inside? The lens he struggled through? 

I don't remember seeing this one before. It felt
both bright and dark to me.

My first impression with this piece is that of a tumbleweed, or something like, blowing across the yellow field behind. Others said it evoked a heart with thick skin, or damaged exterior. The yellow is bright, layered, and a bit more consistent than my photo shows. The red and brown object is made of painted, layered, torn or crumpled paper. The entire thing has a clear coat of epoxy over it and the piece is quite large. Looking at it, I feel confused. It's not something I can relate to 'before'.